Fathers Day Reflections

On this Fathers Day, I reflect on the influence my own Father has had on my life. I am filled with gratitude in my heart for his example of love, accountability, forgiveness, positivity, hard work, and so much more. My parents example has been one of true devotion, loyalty, choice and commitment, and unconditional love, to each other and to their family.

 I just have to share what my younger sister wrote about my beautiful parents; Gary and Donna Miller. 

My sister Vicki's words so echo my own thoughts and feelings about these two special people in my life, and their beautiful marriage which has blessed my siblings and I, and their posterity of 14 grandchildren and 25 (soon to be 26) great grandchildren for the past 56 years.

 Thank you mom and dad for never giving up! For loving one another no matter what, and for your continued love and support no matter how old I get! You are both incredible. I am forever grateful for you!! 

"A BIG Anniversary shout out to my Amazing, Beautiful Parents. June 13th they celebrated 56 fantastic years married. 🎉💕✨💖🎉❤️💕✨ As a young child, they were my first examples of deep, profound and unconditional LOVE. What a blessing that has been to be surrounded by that growing up.❤️🙏🏼 The LOVE they share is seen by all who know them.... it’s absolutely beautiful!! 💕As an adult they have continued to be my inspiration and solid foundation of LOVE and support. As I look at them today, and all that I have learned these past 8 years since the demise of my 25 year marriage, I realize what escapes most people is the commitment part of marriage. We all look at the LOVE and happiness shared, which is truly beautiful, but what most people don’t see is the commitment of integrity, dedication, loyalty and the decision that’s made to keep Loving each other each and every day. 56 years of wedded bliss is a DECISION... it’s a CHOICE made by TWO people, because let’s be real... a couple is still two different people with two different personalities, two different ideas, and often a difference in beliefs. To top it off, life has its ups and downs... its challenges along the way. All the LOVE in the world will not keep a couple together unless they BOTH CHOOSE it TOGETHER. Today I applaud and celebrate my parents, not for their wedding day and their decision to get married 56 years ago, but for the decisions they continually make TOGETHER, to keep their LOVE strong in both the easy, and the challenging times. The dedication to their individual integrity, loyalty, generosity, gratitude , understanding, ability to forgive, and the actions they take daily to be standing here together 56 years strong! 🎉💖💕✨❤️ Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!!! What an amazing journey you continue to share!!" XOXO❤️😘 "
#LOVE #COMMITMENT #LOYALTY #GRATITUDE #DEDICATION#FORGIVENESS #LOVEisaVERB #ACTION #DECISION #CHOICE 💖@picsbydonna

Renee

aka Mama Dezee

The Beautiful Journey of Childbirth

For some, birth is viewed as a scary thing. Some moms are terrified of the labor and delivery process. 

I was blessed with a beautiful Mother who chose to educate her daughters on the power of our bodies and the blessings of natural childbirth. 

She viewed labor and delivery as something that was very natural , that we were born to do as women, and she taught my sisters and I that our bodies were capable of glorious things. Pregnancy, Labor and delivery being one  of the most powerful!

Because of this teaching, I went into the process of pregnancy, labor, and birth with open eyes and a feeling that all would be well, and my body really can do this!

Sure, I had some butterflies, and I was a little bit nervous before each birth; but that is very normal. I soon began the breathing techniques and got about my business of laboring, and the fear left and excitement and anticipation of meeting my new little one took its place. 

Although my pregnancies often came with a lot of achiness and pain in my hips, I moved through most of my pregnancies without any trouble, at all, and was blessed with wonderful labor and delivery experiences. 

I LOVED all 7 of my birth stories! My first was very memorable, of course because it was the first time of becoming a mother.                    

6 weeks before my due date I began taking some herbs called Dr. Christopher's 6 week birth formula. ( I took this with all 7 of my pregnancies) Dr. Christopher was a famous master herbalist who created formulas to support the body systems in various ways. 

This formula helps prepare and support the woman's body for child birth.

 If I can give any advice for expecting mothers there are 5 things I would say. 

#1 Breathe, its going to be ok. YOUR body is amazing and it knows what to do. So, relax, and breath through all the nervousness, possible anxiety, and eventual labor pains. Breathing is KEY. this experience will be lovely. It will be work, and effort for both you and baby, (and daddy too!) but, with great effort comes GREAT success!  There will be a wonderful blessing in the end. 

#2 Take a Lamaze and Bradley birthing class to help you AND your spouse know exactly what is happening in the body and to teach you proper breathing through contractions AND to help your husband learn how to become a great birthing coach. 

Men feel so empowered when they know what to do to assist their wife. My husband was the BEST birth coach ever because of the class we took before our first child came.

 He continued to get better and better with each birth because of this beautiful foundation of education and support that he and I had from the beginning. KNOWLEDGE AND TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE FROM FEAR. 
 
I am SO very grateful for this foundation of preparation that we had together. I loved having my husband as my coach!

#3 Take the Dr. Christopher 6 week formula. This formula will prepare your body in such a way that your labor will be more more fluid and easier than if you had not taken anything to prepare. 

You can read about this formula here.

***I SWEAR BY THIS FORMULA, My sisters all had 20-30+ labors and they did not take this formula (even through I recommended it) I took it with all 7 children and I had 7 natural labors and delivery varying in range from 3 hours to 10 hours! A BIG difference. and even my longest labor, although my hardest, was still relatively easy. (My first was only 8 hours!) 

#4 Enjoy every moment. Each birth story is special. Keep a journal and write your feelings and special experiences. Have your hubby write a little note too that you can keep in your child's baby book

Know that your body was designed for this. Know that YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Trust your body. 

You will know when you are in labor (very few women do not), If you are in turn to the subtle changes that occur daily in the last 6 weeks, you will intuitively feel that things are changing. Look for the physical signs (such as the mucus plug being expelled. If you do not know what this is, it is one of the major signs that labor is beginning..or will begin soon. Look this up for info. ;)) 

#5 Remember, to ask for a priesthood blessing before you go into birth. This will be very special and will help to ease your mind and your body. Talk to your body, mind, heart, and spirit. Write to each one. Share your feelings and ask each part of your body to come on this journey with you. Let each part of you know that you are safe. YOU ARE A POWERFUL TEAM. =     along with your sweetheart and your doctor/midwife.

 If I had it to do over again, I'd do it all the same with just a few exceptions. 

1. I'd have a midwife for every birth (my first four I had doctors, the last three I had female midwifes, and it made a big difference in my own comfort level) 
2. I would also choose to have my 3rd, 4th, and 5th births at home.  I could have had all of them at home, but these were my easiest ones and I think it would have been lovely to have birthed in the water like my daughter has done with 5 of her 7 children. 

No matter where they are born...birth is an unbelievable, incredible blessing. I feel so privileged to be a woman, and to have had the experience of bringing my babes into this world.

You are on a great journey...a wonderful adventure. Look at it all with a positive outlook and speak beautiful empowering declarations to yourself DAILY! 

Know that your baby will be beautiful. You will be a wonderful mama! You and your sweetheart will be wonderful parents. 

Congratulations! Your life is about to get a lot more exciting! 



Love,
Renee 
A.K.A Mama Dezee

P.S. Here is a great little tid bit of advice for dads:
"How to Treat Your Pregnant Wife" Published by LDS Living

 

It won't always be like this...

Some advice for my young friends, in the middle of parenting their young'uns. =)

 Watch this!
Then...read this below...

In the middle...it sometimes feels exhausting and overwhelming...

but as someone on the other side of parenting young'uns....who now have their own young'uns, (My 21 precious grand babies!), I'd like you to know...
it really does go by fast.

One day you will look back and wonder...where did all those years go? How in the world did they grow up so fast?

Decide now, to stick it out together. Decide now to love every minute of every crazy day. Decide now that NO MATTER WHAT happens, no matter how crazy things get, no matter what life throws at you...YOU WON'T GIVE UP!

Decide now to MAKE IT TOGETHER. Because...its worth it. Every single little moment....the good, the bad, the ugly....EVERY moment IS worth it. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING!!

And one day....when they are all grown, you WILL have time ...much more time for each other, IF YOU STICK TOGETHER...and don't give up...those special years you sacrificed together for your family, will be precious. THEY ARE PRECIOUS!

And...no matter what crisis you face, no matter what financial hurdles you may go through, No matter what trials, or tribulations (Other wise known as Growth experiences! ;) ) you go through as a couple...STICKING TOGETHER IS WORTH IT!

Sometimes, in the middle of all the chaos and "growth experiences" one or the other spouse begins to think that all the chaos is just too hard. They begin to think that it has GOT to be better...GREENER ...on the other side of the fence. They begin to wander...they allow their thoughts, and their mind to look elsewhere for their happiness...sometimes, they even choose to leave...thinking they have FOUND that elusive feeling of happiness.

But, I promise you....that is never the best solution. NEVER (barring abuse situations.) When spouses give up...you invite a whole other set of problems into your lives and your children's lives. It doesn't make life easier...it makes life MUCH more challenging and complicated. MUCH!!

So dear friends...HOLD ON. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. There is HOPE and LOVE and BEAUTY on the other side of all the chaos and struggle. There is a rainbow of loveliness and blessings in store..if you JUST HOLD ON!

Make what you have beautiful. LEARN to enjoy what you have. BE GRATEFUL for what you have right NOW. GIVE EVERYTHING to what you already have ....and watch it BLOOM!! =)

YOUR FAMILY IS WORTH IT!! =) YOUR MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT!!

And one day...after all those sweet little young'uns grow up and leave the nest...date nights, and weekend get-a-ways wont be so hard to get. Snuggle time and sleeping in on Saturday mornings, will be quiet. (You might even miss those little one bouncing in on your bed! lol)

There will even be days that you WISH they'd all come over...the WHOLE HERD!! And you invite them for Sunday dinners...

But my friends...IF you've given up...IF you've walked out and decided it was too much....IF you've walked out too soon...YOU will not have the same precious experience, of children coming home...and grandchildren knowing the beauty of "Mammy and Pappy's House"...and the sacred stability that grandparents who stick together provide!

Your children, and your grandchildren will NOT know the incredible feeling of ROOTS. Stong, deep, abiding roots that BIND YOU and SECURE you to your foundation. To WHO you are, and WHERE you come from. It will be harder for them (your young'uns) to feel stable, confident, and it may take longer for them to "find" themselves.

AND you...my friend...YOU will miss out on the blessings and the incredible JOY of a tender, beautiful, secure, stable, long term relationship, with someone who knows you better than anyone else on this earth...and loves you anyway...despite your shortcomings...despite your weaknesses...despite your sometimes stupid decisions...despite your craziness!

YOU will miss out on the amazing, incredible, beautiful, PRECIOUSNESS of a VERY BEST FRIEND....who has "history" with you...and your sweet Younguns....You will miss out on this SWEET relationship....which has stood the test of time...all because ...you gave up too soon!
BUT...IF you stay. IF you hold fast and true. IF you don't give up...and you weather the storms...

GENERATIONS WILL BE BLESSED BY YOUR LOYALTY, FIDELITY, COMMITMENT, AND FORTITUDE!

Children who grow up knowing that relationships are NOT disposable... but are to be cherished, and worked on continually, they learn to understand that ALL things can be worked out and problems CAN be solved, and they grow up to be "finishers" and "problem solvers" instead of quiters! They grow up confident, knowing that "they" are not disposable. They grow up cherishing people and respecting relationships...

They grow up WILLING to fight for those they love.

When you choose to stay and work things out...

YOUR HEART WILL BE WARMED AND HEALED AND YOU AND

YOUR SWEET HEART AND YOUR LOVE,

WILL BE AN EXAMPLE TO ALL WHO KNOW YOU...and YOU Will be REVERED,

and RESPECTED, and OH SO LOVED.

How do I know this?
Because I am the product of MANY generations of solid marriages. Couples who CHOSE each other EVERYDAY...EVEN though it was hard. EVEN though it may feel hopeless at times. EVEN through trials and hardships and struggles...they DIDN'T GIVE UP!

I witnessed Grandparents and Parents who celebrated 50+ years together. I saw how sweet their relationships became. I saw the challenges, and the struggles, along the way...but I saw them stick together like glue.

Family stories go back MANY generations of couple who stood by one another and never let go!!

It molded me. It shaped me. It built my own confidence and my own ability to look past the present and KNOW that things can get better. Nothing ever stays the same...and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!! It molded me to believe that...
WE CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING!

It molded me into a warrior, willing to fight for my family. Willing to fight for my marriage. Willing to NEVER GIVE UP!

I felt the sweetness of Grandma and Grandpas house. I know what it feels like to "come home" to the stability of a house filled with love. I know what it feels like to come "home" to my own parents house, and feel their constancy. To feel the stability and the warmth and the love their.

My parents and grandparents weren't perfect. They had their marital struggles. They had their financial struggles. They had their health struggles...and a myriad of other struggles as well.

But, they NEVER gave up.
They stuck it out for the long haul.
THEY CHOSE TO BE COMMITTED.

They chose, Undying, Unflinchingly commitment!

That makes all the difference.

I know what it feels like in a home that has weathered the storms of life, and stood strong because TWO people chose every day, to NEVER GIVE UP.

But...it does take TWO. TWO committed, determined, courageous people, choosing each other every day.

How do I know this?

I know because I also am also the product of a broken home...

MY home. Sadly, ...oh so sadly...My sweetheart decided to give up. He decided to look elsewhere. When the storms of life raged against us...it was too much for him, and he chose to find what he "thought" were greener pastures.

Because of this choice...our children and grandchildren do not know what it feels like to "come home" to "Mammy and Pappy's House."

They don't know what it feels like to have a firm and stable foundation...with roots digging deep.

Because of this,

our family has had to find ways

to stay strong on our own.

I have had to find ways to stay strong on my own.

Without the constant of a husband, father and Pappy always there.
My children have had to try to figure out what a "happy" and solid marriage looks like.

We have had to find ways to connect as a family a bit differently than I imagined.

Actually...a lot differently.

Because, my husband and I did not make it to 50 years as I had hoped and dreamed of and yearned for...my children and grandchildren, have to look back TWO and THREE generations to find their roots...and their stablitly and their strong marriage examples.

It has not been easy for them. None of them. Not our children who were married at the time that their father left...not our college girls who had come home, or our daughter who was living out of state...and especially not the young ones who were still living at home.

Its not easy even now...9 years later.

I see my children's sorrow and their pain. I feel it all. I see their "adaptations" and their working through it all, and making the best of a very sad and disappointing situation.
I see, and feel the distrust that our children have in me and their dad. Because WE...the people they thought they could trust the most...let them down. We didn't keep the most holy, most sanctified, most precious relationship alive.
I see their struggles...and I see their determination, I see how they work to move past this. I see how their wounds affect them...but they try not to let it.

Its not easy for our grandchildren either, who ask all the time, why Pappy and I are not together, especially the ones who remember us together years ago.

And it's not easy on this "Mammy's heart" when I hear them ask, "Where is pappy? Is Pappy coming?"

Because they are not sure, and they yearn for him to be at every family event.

Thankfully we are together periodically for holidays etc. as a family.
We choose this. "I" choose this...
And...we are doing the best we can.

We still love each other, as a family.

we are still a family...

we love and adore our children.

However...it's not the same.

My heart wishes I could give me children and grandchildren what I had. I wish that my children and grandchildren could know what that feels like.
But...it takes two...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, make it work. Work on yourselves, individually and as a couple.

MAKE IT WORK.

Life is short...Life is precious...
LIFE , FAMILY, MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT!!

Your babies are worth it.

You as a couple ARE worth it!!

And...one day....many years from now...(although I promise you it will not feel like very many!) YOU will have the sweet, preciousness of your union...and you will realize the beauty of being best friends! Your posterity; your children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren, will thank you for your steadfastness, your fortitude, your loyalty, your fidelity, and your great love and charity!!

ONE DAY...

BECAUSE YOU DID YOUR BEST...and...

YOU CHOSE TO NEVER GIVE UP....
even when it was hard...

GENERATIONS WILL CALL YOU BLESSED!

The musings of this mama and mammy's heart.
May the next generation know more of what I knew and experienced growing up.