It won't always be like this...

Some advice for my young friends, in the middle of parenting their young'uns. =)

 Watch this!
Then...read this below...

In the middle...it sometimes feels exhausting and overwhelming...

but as someone on the other side of parenting young'uns....who now have their own young'uns, (My 21 precious grand babies!), I'd like you to know...
it really does go by fast.

One day you will look back and wonder...where did all those years go? How in the world did they grow up so fast?

Decide now, to stick it out together. Decide now to love every minute of every crazy day. Decide now that NO MATTER WHAT happens, no matter how crazy things get, no matter what life throws at you...YOU WON'T GIVE UP!

Decide now to MAKE IT TOGETHER. Because...its worth it. Every single little moment....the good, the bad, the ugly....EVERY moment IS worth it. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING!!

And one day....when they are all grown, you WILL have time ...much more time for each other, IF YOU STICK TOGETHER...and don't give up...those special years you sacrificed together for your family, will be precious. THEY ARE PRECIOUS!

And...no matter what crisis you face, no matter what financial hurdles you may go through, No matter what trials, or tribulations (Other wise known as Growth experiences! ;) ) you go through as a couple...STICKING TOGETHER IS WORTH IT!

Sometimes, in the middle of all the chaos and "growth experiences" one or the other spouse begins to think that all the chaos is just too hard. They begin to think that it has GOT to be better...GREENER ...on the other side of the fence. They begin to wander...they allow their thoughts, and their mind to look elsewhere for their happiness...sometimes, they even choose to leave...thinking they have FOUND that elusive feeling of happiness.

But, I promise you....that is never the best solution. NEVER (barring abuse situations.) When spouses give up...you invite a whole other set of problems into your lives and your children's lives. It doesn't make life easier...it makes life MUCH more challenging and complicated. MUCH!!

So dear friends...HOLD ON. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. There is HOPE and LOVE and BEAUTY on the other side of all the chaos and struggle. There is a rainbow of loveliness and blessings in store..if you JUST HOLD ON!

Make what you have beautiful. LEARN to enjoy what you have. BE GRATEFUL for what you have right NOW. GIVE EVERYTHING to what you already have ....and watch it BLOOM!! =)

YOUR FAMILY IS WORTH IT!! =) YOUR MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT!!

And one day...after all those sweet little young'uns grow up and leave the nest...date nights, and weekend get-a-ways wont be so hard to get. Snuggle time and sleeping in on Saturday mornings, will be quiet. (You might even miss those little one bouncing in on your bed! lol)

There will even be days that you WISH they'd all come over...the WHOLE HERD!! And you invite them for Sunday dinners...

But my friends...IF you've given up...IF you've walked out and decided it was too much....IF you've walked out too soon...YOU will not have the same precious experience, of children coming home...and grandchildren knowing the beauty of "Mammy and Pappy's House"...and the sacred stability that grandparents who stick together provide!

Your children, and your grandchildren will NOT know the incredible feeling of ROOTS. Stong, deep, abiding roots that BIND YOU and SECURE you to your foundation. To WHO you are, and WHERE you come from. It will be harder for them (your young'uns) to feel stable, confident, and it may take longer for them to "find" themselves.

AND you...my friend...YOU will miss out on the blessings and the incredible JOY of a tender, beautiful, secure, stable, long term relationship, with someone who knows you better than anyone else on this earth...and loves you anyway...despite your shortcomings...despite your weaknesses...despite your sometimes stupid decisions...despite your craziness!

YOU will miss out on the amazing, incredible, beautiful, PRECIOUSNESS of a VERY BEST FRIEND....who has "history" with you...and your sweet Younguns....You will miss out on this SWEET relationship....which has stood the test of time...all because ...you gave up too soon!
BUT...IF you stay. IF you hold fast and true. IF you don't give up...and you weather the storms...

GENERATIONS WILL BE BLESSED BY YOUR LOYALTY, FIDELITY, COMMITMENT, AND FORTITUDE!

Children who grow up knowing that relationships are NOT disposable... but are to be cherished, and worked on continually, they learn to understand that ALL things can be worked out and problems CAN be solved, and they grow up to be "finishers" and "problem solvers" instead of quiters! They grow up confident, knowing that "they" are not disposable. They grow up cherishing people and respecting relationships...

They grow up WILLING to fight for those they love.

When you choose to stay and work things out...

YOUR HEART WILL BE WARMED AND HEALED AND YOU AND

YOUR SWEET HEART AND YOUR LOVE,

WILL BE AN EXAMPLE TO ALL WHO KNOW YOU...and YOU Will be REVERED,

and RESPECTED, and OH SO LOVED.

How do I know this?
Because I am the product of MANY generations of solid marriages. Couples who CHOSE each other EVERYDAY...EVEN though it was hard. EVEN though it may feel hopeless at times. EVEN through trials and hardships and struggles...they DIDN'T GIVE UP!

I witnessed Grandparents and Parents who celebrated 50+ years together. I saw how sweet their relationships became. I saw the challenges, and the struggles, along the way...but I saw them stick together like glue.

Family stories go back MANY generations of couple who stood by one another and never let go!!

It molded me. It shaped me. It built my own confidence and my own ability to look past the present and KNOW that things can get better. Nothing ever stays the same...and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!! It molded me to believe that...
WE CAN GET THROUGH ANYTHING!

It molded me into a warrior, willing to fight for my family. Willing to fight for my marriage. Willing to NEVER GIVE UP!

I felt the sweetness of Grandma and Grandpas house. I know what it feels like to "come home" to the stability of a house filled with love. I know what it feels like to come "home" to my own parents house, and feel their constancy. To feel the stability and the warmth and the love their.

My parents and grandparents weren't perfect. They had their marital struggles. They had their financial struggles. They had their health struggles...and a myriad of other struggles as well.

But, they NEVER gave up.
They stuck it out for the long haul.
THEY CHOSE TO BE COMMITTED.

They chose, Undying, Unflinchingly commitment!

That makes all the difference.

I know what it feels like in a home that has weathered the storms of life, and stood strong because TWO people chose every day, to NEVER GIVE UP.

But...it does take TWO. TWO committed, determined, courageous people, choosing each other every day.

How do I know this?

I know because I also am also the product of a broken home...

MY home. Sadly, ...oh so sadly...My sweetheart decided to give up. He decided to look elsewhere. When the storms of life raged against us...it was too much for him, and he chose to find what he "thought" were greener pastures.

Because of this choice...our children and grandchildren do not know what it feels like to "come home" to "Mammy and Pappy's House."

They don't know what it feels like to have a firm and stable foundation...with roots digging deep.

Because of this,

our family has had to find ways

to stay strong on our own.

I have had to find ways to stay strong on my own.

Without the constant of a husband, father and Pappy always there.
My children have had to try to figure out what a "happy" and solid marriage looks like.

We have had to find ways to connect as a family a bit differently than I imagined.

Actually...a lot differently.

Because, my husband and I did not make it to 50 years as I had hoped and dreamed of and yearned for...my children and grandchildren, have to look back TWO and THREE generations to find their roots...and their stablitly and their strong marriage examples.

It has not been easy for them. None of them. Not our children who were married at the time that their father left...not our college girls who had come home, or our daughter who was living out of state...and especially not the young ones who were still living at home.

Its not easy even now...9 years later.

I see my children's sorrow and their pain. I feel it all. I see their "adaptations" and their working through it all, and making the best of a very sad and disappointing situation.
I see, and feel the distrust that our children have in me and their dad. Because WE...the people they thought they could trust the most...let them down. We didn't keep the most holy, most sanctified, most precious relationship alive.
I see their struggles...and I see their determination, I see how they work to move past this. I see how their wounds affect them...but they try not to let it.

Its not easy for our grandchildren either, who ask all the time, why Pappy and I are not together, especially the ones who remember us together years ago.

And it's not easy on this "Mammy's heart" when I hear them ask, "Where is pappy? Is Pappy coming?"

Because they are not sure, and they yearn for him to be at every family event.

Thankfully we are together periodically for holidays etc. as a family.
We choose this. "I" choose this...
And...we are doing the best we can.

We still love each other, as a family.

we are still a family...

we love and adore our children.

However...it's not the same.

My heart wishes I could give me children and grandchildren what I had. I wish that my children and grandchildren could know what that feels like.
But...it takes two...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, make it work. Work on yourselves, individually and as a couple.

MAKE IT WORK.

Life is short...Life is precious...
LIFE , FAMILY, MARRIAGE IS WORTH IT!!

Your babies are worth it.

You as a couple ARE worth it!!

And...one day....many years from now...(although I promise you it will not feel like very many!) YOU will have the sweet, preciousness of your union...and you will realize the beauty of being best friends! Your posterity; your children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren, will thank you for your steadfastness, your fortitude, your loyalty, your fidelity, and your great love and charity!!

ONE DAY...

BECAUSE YOU DID YOUR BEST...and...

YOU CHOSE TO NEVER GIVE UP....
even when it was hard...

GENERATIONS WILL CALL YOU BLESSED!

The musings of this mama and mammy's heart.
May the next generation know more of what I knew and experienced growing up.